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Laugh Lines

Punch Lines

October 09, 1998

In Jeopardy: A senior lighting director was fired from his job on "Jeopardy." "The show is ignoring his union grievance because he did not submit it in the form of a question." (Gary Easley)

Chicken Out: Boston Chicken has filed for bankruptcy. "Analysts say the corporation grew too fast . . . and didn't listen to the little chicken who warned 'the stock is falling, the stock is falling.' " (Premiere Radio)

Desmond's Secret: UPN's "The Secret Diary of Desmond Pfeiffer" finally aired. "Let's just say Desmond should have kept it a secret." (Premiere)

The Fix Is In: Presidential pets Buddy and Socks will soon have their own books out. "According to sources, in his book, Buddy says, 'If you ask me, they "fixed" the wrong one of us.' " (Paul Steinberg)

Take This Job . . . : "President Clinton said there are a lot of important issues that Congress should be focusing on, like making sure people don't lose their health-care coverage when they lose their job, no matter who that person is, even if he's, like, president of the United States." (Jay Leno)

Big Suck-Up: An Arlington, Va., woman is donating a kidney to her boss. "Would you donate an organ to your boss? Is it before or after your yearly evaluation?" (Premiere)

Happy Hour: Northwest Airlines has been giving out free drink coupons to its passengers as an apology for its recent strike, but flight crews are upset about it. "They're concerned that passengers will get more rowdy on board. Besides, it cuts into the booze usually set aside for the pilots." (Ira Lawson)

State of the Art: As part of its annual charity drive, Microsoft employees will bid on a personal tour of Chairman Bill Gates' $55.4-million mansion. "His new digs reportedly include a high-tech kitchen that can download a full-course dinner for 20 guests in five minutes." (Bob Mills)

Trick or Treat: American Airlines has a Halloween treat for its passengers who enjoy suspense movies. It's showing a selection of movies by Alfred Hitchcock throughout October. "American guarantees the movies to be even scarier than the in-flight meal." (Mark Wheeler)

* SEND US A LINE: Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Life & Style, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.

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