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Laugh Lines

Punch Lines

October 14, 1998

Genes and Jeans: Police now have access to a national DNA database of 250,000 felons to try to match DNA collected from unsolved crimes. "The database is organized just like a department store. For instance, DNA for Bill Clinton can be found in the women's apparel section." (Joshua Sostrin)

Top Attire: Halloween stores say the top costume this year is the White House Intern Kit. "It contains a beret, red lipstick, a blue dress and a subpoena. It's enough to scare 90 million husbands into staying faithful." (Argus Hamilton)

A Nobel Endeavor: UCLA pharmacologist Louis J. Ignarro won the Nobel prize in medicine for discovering how the common pollutant nitric oxide transmits signals in the human body. "He'll share the prize with pharmacologists from New York and Houston, who have charged that as an Angeleno, Ignarro had an unfair home-field advantage studying the pollutant." (Sostrin)

Bowling for Dollars: AMF Bowling Centers has hired Michael Jordan to help endorse its products. "Unfortunately, he ruined many of their alleys when he dribbled the balls." (Rudolph J. Cecera)

Enough Is Enough: President Clinton announced that he would not attend his 25th law school reunion at Yale. "Well, you can't blame him. I mean, hasn't he seen enough lawyers?" (Cecera)

The Empire Takes First: "Star Wars" topped Entertainment Weekly's list of 100 best works of science fiction. "Coming in second was Madonna's 'Like a Virgin.' " (Gary Easley)

Charge It Up: Toyota has unveiled a hybrid gas-electric car that gets 50 miles per gallon. "The sales brochure fails to mention, however, that the last 20 miles or so involves a certain amount of pedaling."(Bob Mills)

Bazaar Trends: According to Harper's Bazaar, the coolest thing to wear this season is Prison Blue jeans, made by prison inmates in Pendleton, Ore. "Can't you see Junior coming home one day and telling his parents, 'These jeans are so cool--one day I want to work for the company when I get out of school.' " (Andrew Wisot)

More in Trends: Clothing manufacturers are producing jeans made of Teflon. "Not only do they last longer, but on a hot day, you can grill up some great fajitas." (Chris Pina)

* SEND US A LINE: Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Life & Style, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.

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