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Laugh Lines

Punch Lines

October 20, 1998

Practical Spell: "Practical Magic" is America's No. 1 movie this weekend. In it, Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman play sisters who are witches. "Sandra casts a spell that makes people forget 'Speed 2.' " (Premiere Radio)

The Boy Toy: In at No. 2 at the box office is "Bride of Chucky," in which the evil little doll finds love. "Bad news for Chucky. His new bride caught him making goo-goo eyes at Barbie." (Premiere)

Stand by Your Man: According to a new poll, 67% of men would love to have Hillary Clinton as a wife. "Well, sure, look what you could get away with!" (Jay Leno)

In Sports: The New York Yankees are leading the San Diego Padres in the World Series. "These cities speak different languages. For instance, in San Diego, a subway is a sandwich, while in New York, it's a public restroom." (Argus Hamilton)

Summit Time: President Clinton, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and Palestinian Authority President Yasser Arafat are continuing Mideast peace talks at a summit in Maryland. "Arafat defended wearing his trademark army uniform for the historic talks, insisting that he suffers from chronic fatigues syndrome." (Joshua Sostrin)

The Irish Sweepstakes: Two Irish leaders--one Protestant, the other Catholic--shared the Nobel Peace Prize for bringing a formerly divided people closer together. "Runner-up was the organizer of the Fleetwood Mac reunion tour." (Gary Easley)

I'll Have Seconds: Starbucks is set to open stores in China in 1999. "They are hoping customers will come back an hour later for another cup." (Werner S. Haas)

The Art Institute: The new Bellagio hotel's special attraction is a $300-million art collection. "Well, I know that's why people go to Vegas, for the fine art. Forget the gambling and the hookers, check out the Monet. After you've looked at $300 million worth of fine art, you might want to see the 99-cent buffet next door." (Leno)

Best Bet: Travel experts say to save money on a cruise, try vacationing on an older ship. "Just stay clear of the ones that require rowing." (Buzz Report)

Flipping for America: In France, a man is recovering nicely from a hand transplant. "Why, just yesterday, the patient was able to use his hand to thumb his nose at an American tourist." (Alex Kaseberg)

* SEND US A LINE: Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Life & Style, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.

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