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Laugh Lines

Punch Lines

October 25, 1998

Creative Differences: The journal Neurology reports that mental illness may bring out startling artistic and creative talents. "So Mike Tyson wasn't really biting off Evander Holyfield's ear. He was getting in touch with his inner Van Gogh." (Argus Hamilton)

The Nutty Actor: Eddie Murphy has agreed to do a sequel to "Dr. Dolittle." "After 'Holy Man,' I'm surprised even animals are talking to him." (Premiere Radio)

Code of Silence: Sandra Bullock says she's taking a year off because she has nothing else to say. "Why can't you get Ross Perot or Kathie Lee or Don King to come up with nothing else to say?" (Jay Leno)

The Spotted Apple: NYC will install bus stop computers so waiting commuters can see when buses will arrive. "Wouldn't they be better off if they could tell when muggers will arrive?" (Johnny Robish)

Tall Stature: "Democrats think that after the Clinton investigation ends, righteous Kenneth Starr's next target will be the Washington Monument, claiming it's an advertisement for Viagra." (Stan Kaplan)

Then and Now: Julia Roberts will get $17 million to co-star with Richard Gere in "The Runaway Bride." "Remember when actresses would pay to co-star with Richard Gere?" (Premiere)

Getting the Cold Shoulder: An iceberg the size of Delaware has broken off from Antarctica in what many scientists fear is the result of global warming. "The iceberg was last spotted heading for Hollywood in hopes of getting a role in James Cameron's next film." (Joshua Sostrin)

Starr Investigated: According to newly released documents, last year Kenneth Starr made $1.2 million from his legal practice and his family assets total $4.5 million. "When asked about it, Starr said, 'Hey, can't a guy have a private life?' " (Conan O'Brien)

Guns R Us: "The five-day waiting period to buy a handgun will be replaced by an instant computerized background check. The NRA applauds the development saying, 'Now people will no longer have to wait five days to settle family disputes.' " (O'Brien)

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SEND US A LINE: Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Life & Style, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.

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