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Laugh Lines

Punch Lines

October 26, 1998

How Sweep It Is: The Yankees beat the Padres in four straight to take the World Series. "You know the difference between the Padres and the British? The British at least scored a few victories before losing to the Yankees." (Joshua Sostrin)

The Magic Hour: Magic Johnson has taken over as Mike Tyson's boxing promoter. "Magic has already scheduled Tyson's first bout; it's against Utah Jazz forward Karl Malone at Caesars Palace." (Paul Ecker)

The Unabrother: The Unabomber's brother is trying to persuade the government not to impose taxes on his $1-million reward for turning in his sibling so more money can go to the victims. "However, the IRS seems confused about the issues. It's insisting that taxes must always be paid when you break a family trust." (Sostrin)

Wish-Seekers: Richard Simmons is returning to TV next fall in a show called "Dream Maker," where contestants will see their fondest wishes come true. "Richard could make a lot of fond wishes come true if he'd just put on a shirt and a pair of pants." (Ira Lawson)

Falling Stars: According to Parade magazine, there are no new actors in the action-adventure genre as studios scramble to find suitable scripts for Arnold Schwarzenegger, 51; Sylvester Stallone, 52; and Mel Gibson, 42. "Their best hope seems to be a script now in development at Universal called 'Grumpy Old Action Heroes.' " (Bob Mills)

Grayie: The '80s pop group Blondie is reuniting. "However, to keep up with their evolution as a band, they are changing their name to 'Peroxide and the Hair Club for Men.' " (Gary Easley)

*

The Essential David Letterman:

Signs that Yasser Arafat and Benjamin Netanyahu are warming up to each other:

10. Over the weekend, the two created a "Dawson's Creek" Web site.

9. Yasser asked Bibi to throw out the first rock at the next Palestinian riot.

8. They're wearing matching "I'm With the Stubborn Bastard" T-shirts.

7. Cracked up Secret Service with their "Roxbury guys" routine.

6. They have come to a crucial agreement: Ally McBeal is way too thin.

2. They watched Pink Floyd's "The Wall" after devouring some of Yasser's famous "magic hummus."

1. They exchanged interns.

* SEND US A LINE: Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Life & Style, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.

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