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Laugh Lines

Punch Lines

October 28, 1998

In the News: Jailed teacher Mary Kay Letourneau, who's had two children by an ex-student, will not face any more charges. The student says his family has accepted the relationship. "Sure. They're not losing a son. They're gaining a baby-sitter." (Premiere Radio)

Fall Follies: Fall is the season when we gain an hour by returning to standard time. "Yeah, but we lose two hours trying to figure out how to reset our wristwatches." (LaMonte Laments)

In the Affirmative: About 40 students at the University of Texas held a sit-in supporting affirmative action. "It's the first time 40 Texas students have sat together at anything other than a football game." (Jerry Perisho)

Postal Day: Sunday was Mothers-in-Law Day. "Traditionally, it's the day the bomb squads get the most calls about ticking packages." (Perisho)

Discovery Zone: NASA still hasn't decided on the right words for John Glenn's second launch into space. "But it will probably go something like this: 'I said, Godspeed, Discovery! I SAID, Godspeed, Discovery!' " (Kenny Noble Cortes)

Kid Stuff: A new survey concludes that industry television writers are younger than ever. "That explains the titles of forthcoming TV series remakes: 'Twentysomething,' '17 Sunset Strip,' 'Car 14, Where Are You?' and 'Hawaii One Oh.' " (Russ Myers)

Making a Point: Olympic gold medalist Dominique Moceanu, 17, ran away from home, saying her parents were too obsessed with gymnastics. "The first time she told them she was splitting, they told her to keep her toes pointed." (Argus Hamilton)

True Colors: "Pleasantville" debuts at No. 1 at the box office. It's about two 1990s teens who get trapped in a 1950s TV sitcom. It's a world of family values, picket fences, no drugs and all-white schools. "That's not a sitcom, it's a Republican TV commercial." (Hamilton)

Powers That Be: Entertainment Weekly has named Oprah Winfrey the most powerful person in show business. "And all this time I thought it was the maitre d' at Spago." (Premiere)

Home Improved: Tim Allen announced that because he's tired of the role, this will be the last season of "Home Improvement." "When asked what his plans for the future are, he said he was just going to work around the house." (Rudolph J. Cecera)

* SEND US A LINE: Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Life & Style, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.

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