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THE BEST...THE BEAUTIFUL...AND THE BIZARRE | PL8SPK
| SO SOCAL

Ztortus Anndd Zhare: Da Hlywd Yrs

September 06, 1998|Daniel Nussbaum

Each word is taken from the vanity plate master list issued by the DMV*

*

ZEEHARE DUZZ RMEMBER: "AFTER TH NFAMOUS

RACE, IFEEL WRTHLSS. IMAFOOL, AJOKE 2DA

OTHERR ANIMLZ NDWOODS. INU IHAD2

GETOUT, STRTOVR.

*

"IFIGURE, IAMMM YNGNSXY WITHE BUTYFL,

THIK FURR. ICANHOP. YNOTTRY HLLYWUD?

BOOOM! IMAHITT! RITEAWY METRO DOESZ

HIREME AZ THER SINGIN RAABBIT. YPIOKIA!

IV GTITMDE. ORR SO ITHINK.

*

"ENTER BGSBUNY. WATABLO. SUDNLY IAM

YSTERDAZ NEWZ, WASHDUP. PFFFFT. MGM DUZ

RIPUP MII CONTRAK. ANDSO IDO FINDOUT THA

HRDWAYY: HLIWOOD IZZA 1RABBIT TOWNE."

*

THE TORTISS DUZZZ RECALL: "WHOO AMONGUS

DOESS NOT RELISH NXPECTD GD4CHUN?

OHAPYME! IKAN STILL HEAR ZE N2ZASTC

SHOUTS ATD FNSHLYN. SUMM1 DDID YELL,

'HOLIWUD DOES NEEDYOU!' SSSO IDID GOWST.

*

"2BBBAD, BUT IN DOZE DAYZ, ZEE STUDIOS

HADA RIGID IDEAAH UV WAT AA LEADING

MMAN OTT2 LOOK LYK. ATURTLE WITH REPTIL

LIPS AND BDEYES WASNOT IT.

IPH YOU HAVE 4LEGGS, LIKEME, THEY XPEK U2

BE AHORSE. DOI LLOOKK LIKE TRIGGGR 2U?

*

"LUKI4ME IDID OK INNNN RAYDEO UND

WENTON 2START DTURTL RITES MOOVMNT.

IVGOTT NORGRTZ."

*

* For translation of PL8SPK, please see Page 36.

(BEGIN TEXT OF INFOBOX / INFOGRAPHIC)

The Tortoise and The Hare: The Hollywood Years

The Hare does remember: "After the infamous race, I feel worthless. I'm a fool, a joke to the other animals in the woods. I knew I had to get out, start over.

"I figure, I am young and sexy with beautiful, thick fur. I can hop. Why not try Hollywood? Boom! I'm a hit! Right away Metro does hire me as their singing rabbit. Yippie-Io-Kiyay! I've got it made. Or so I think.

"Enter Bugs Bunny. What a blow. Suddenly I am yesterday's news, washed up. Pfft. MGM does rip up my contract. And so I do find out the hard way: Hollywood is a one-rabbit town."

The tortoise does recall: "Who among us does not relish unexpected good fortune? Oh, happy me! I can still hear the enthusiastic shouts at the finish line. Someone did yell, 'Hollywood does need you!' So I did go west.

"Too bad, but in those days, the studios had a rigid idea of what a leading man ought to look like. A turtle with reptile lips and beady eyes was not it. If you have four legs, like me, they expect you to be a horse. Do I look like Trigger to you?

"Lucky for me I did OK in radio and went to start the turtle rights movement. I've got no regrets."

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