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ART BUCHWALD

No One's Blaming El Nino--Yet

September 09, 1998|ART BUCHWALD

The group was sitting around discussing the downfall of the stock market. Each person had taken a bath.

Don Tuttle said, "It's a Clinton market. It would never have happened if he had given a decent mea culpa."

Lumbar said, "I was willing to forgive Clinton his sins until General Motors went into the tank."

Laurenberg said, "Monica Lewinsky didn't give IBM a fair shake. When she went in front of the grand jury, I was certain it would drive down computer stocks."

Rivercomb said, "I blame Ken Starr. He unnerved Bill Clinton so badly that the president couldn't manipulate the market the way he likes to."

Wellstrom said, "I got out in plenty of time."

"Who told you to get out?"

"A Chinese political donor to the Democratic Party."

Grungy said, "I see what's happened as a correction. We've made a lot of money in the market, and it had nothing to do with Clinton. I'm going to stay in it until Clinton offers a prayer for Boeing Aircraft."

I hadn't spoken because I had my broker on hold. "My broker," I told the group, "says not to sell until the Secret Service men testify about what was going on in the White House."

"Sex has nothing to do with a falling Dow Jones."

"It doesn't have much to do with it unless Linda Tripp catches pneumonia."

Lognippe said, "If Clinton wasn't responsible for a free fall in the market, then it had to be Mrs. Goldberg. She is always taking credit for something."

Harris said, "I don't think we should come to any conclusions until Starr finds out if Boris Yeltsin has been fooling around."

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