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Laugh Lines

Punch Lines

September 11, 1998

Trading Places: National Boss/Employee Exchange Day is Monday. "It's a great idea. I get a reserved parking place and my boss lunches on microwave macaroni and cheese from a Tupperware container." (Kenny Noble Cortes)

Get to the Bottom: Ken Starr's report to Congress will focus on President Clinton's affair with Monica Lewinsky. "After that, Starr has promised to get to the bottom of this Bruce Willis-Demi Moore thing." (Argus Hamilton)

It's Not Fare: The MTA admits it violated a bus-crowding order. "The buses were so crowded you could hardly find another passenger's lap to sit on." (Paul Ecker)

Where's My Agent?: In a development that may chill "real life" TV shows like "Cops," a federal judge ruled the presence of TV camera crews accompanying DEA agents violates the alleged perpetrators' rights. "From now on, when authorities read them their rights they'll have to say, 'You have the right to get an agent; you have the right to syndication money.' " (Johnny Robish)

Big Spenders: Forbes named Jerry Seinfeld the top moneymaker in show business last year with $227 million. "It had a dramatic effect. Bill Gates was last seen standing in line for Open Mike Night at the Comedy Store." (Hamilton)

Talking Heads: A study found that violent crimes shown on television news broadcasts can increase children's fear. "Children in this study also expressed great fear when watching TV news anchors ad-libbing between stories." (David Christensen)

Wonderland: For the first time in 40 years, Disney amusement park employees will be allowed to wear their character costumes home. "Yeah, on the black market there is always a demand for unregistered weapons, illicit drugs and armpit-stained Tinkerbell outfits." (Jerry Perisho)

A New Entry: Robert L. Beck was chosen as the new CEO of the Miss America Pageant. "At the news conference, Beck expressed his appreciation, then played 'Lady of Spain' on the accordion while twirling a baton with his feet." (Perisho)

Soundtrack Gossip: Hollywood is considering a movie about the Starr report. "It's rumored Madonna will star in the film and will sing the keynote song, 'Don't Cry for Me Washington, I'm Leaving for Argentina.' " (Stan Kaplan)

* SEND US A LINE: Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Life & Style, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.

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