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Laugh Lines

April 09, 1999

Peace Work: Rejecting a cease-fire proposal for Kosovo, President Clinton said, "We will not accept a phony peace." " 'Bad enough we got a phony marriage, we gotta draw the line somewhere.' " (Jay Leno)

Campaign Hopes: Experts in Baltimore say they've isolated a gene that can grow bone and cartilage. "GOP presidential candidate Lamar Alexander has hired them to see if they can find a gene that manufactures charisma." (Bob Mills)

Moving On: Dennis Rodman and Carmen Electra are getting divorced. "What? No! If those two devoted, well-adjusted kids can't make it, what chance do the rest of us have?" (Alex Kaseberg)

On the Road Again: Bob Dylan and Paul Simon said they'll be touring together this summer. "Actually, Paul said they're touring. We're not exactly sure what Bob said." (Daily Scoop)


The Essential

David Letterman

Rejected "Star Wars" characters:

10. Oprah the Winfrey.

9. 10-10-321, the Telephone Droid.

8. Tae Bo.

5. Bobadan Milosevic.

4. R2-Deepak Chopra.

2. Obi Wan Jacobi and Meyers.

1. Star Jones.

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