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Laugh Lines

April 15, 1999

Hold Your Fire: Dan Quayle wants to make foreign police the centerpiece of his presidential campaign. "But he's still struggling with the Kosovo problem. He said today he's not sure if it begins with a C or a K." (Jay Leno)

On the Campaign Trail: At a Democratic fund-raiser, if you donate $100,000, you can spend a weekend at the Kennedy compound. "Which is kind of ironic. Usually that is the amount of the settlement the Kennedys wind up paying out to women who spend the weekend at the compound." (Leno)

On the Campaign Trail II: "If you throw in an extra $10,000, Ted Kennedy will promise to wear pants." (Conan O'Brien)

It's a Hit: The pope's new CD is selling better than expected. "On the Billboard chart, it's No. 6 with a crucifix." (Bob Mills)

A Degree to Go: The man who started Domino's Pizza is spending $50 million to establish a new law school. "Each instructor delivers the lesson in 30 minutes or less, or your tuition is free." (Jerry Perisho)

We Couldn't Resist: Jose Maria Olazabal won the Masters after scoring a birdie on the 13th hole to demoralize the field. "It was the biggest birdie all week--oh, after the one that hit Fabio." (Argus Hamilton)

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.

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