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Section Gee! : LAUGH LINES

April 16, 1999

Trying Times: An Arkansas judge ruled President Clinton was in contempt. "Clinton said today they may plea-bargain the contempt charge down to 'smug arrogance.' " (Jay Leno)

Trying Times II: "Clinton was so upset he canceled his 4 o'clock intern." (David Letterman)

More Trying Times: He could face disbarment because of the decision. "Clinton no longer a lawyer? Whew, you thought his popularity rating was high now." (Leno)

We Couldn't Resist: Scientists say they're trying to clone Rhesus monkeys in an effort to provide a genetically identical supply of animals for research. "The clones would be reproduced from tiny bits of the existing monkeys' DNA, also known as Rhesus pieces." (Ira Lawson)

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The Essential

David Letterman

Things overheard at Hugh Hefner's birthday party:

10. "What do you give the man who's had everyone?"

5. "Someone come quick, the president's stuck in the grotto!"

2. "What a great gift--monogrammed Viagra!"

1. "I'm only here for the articles."

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.

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