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Laugh Lines

April 21, 1999

Safety Net: Dan Quayle is taking leave from his family's newspaper business to run for president. "However, his family assured him that if he loses, he can have his old route back." (Rudolph J. Cecera)

Up to Speed: The wildfires in Florida are terrible. "To give you an idea just how bad they are, as flames neared a highway, several senior citizens were reported to have actually approached the speed limit in an effort to escape." (Alex Kaseberg)

Hard Sell: President Clinton has proposed legislation designed to stop telephone scams targeting the elderly. "So often, you hear the cry, 'I've fallen for a sales pitch and can't get up.' " (Daily Scoop)


Top 10 Possible New Jobs for Peter Arnett (from the Hotline)

10. Press Secretary to Saddam Hussein.

9. Host of new Fox show, "The Peter Principle."

7. Public information officer, Internal Revenue Service.

6. Terrorist apologist in residence, MSNBC Chat Room.

5. Host of new PBS special, "How Russia Was Better Under Communism."

2. Truck collision impact expert, NBC's "Dateline."

1. Ellipses editor for Larry King's USA Today column.

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