YOU ARE HERE: LAT HomeCollections

Section Gee! Advice, Humor, Comics, Horoscope, Kids
| Off-Kilter

Elvis (Sort of) Slept Here: Slightly Used, King-Size Crypt up for Sale

April 30, 1999|ROY RIVENBURG

A Tomb Fit for the King: Elvis has left the graveyard. The Presley family crypt at Forest Hills Cemetery in Memphis, Tenn.--which temporarily housed the singer before his body was either transferred to Graceland or abducted by aliens, whichever you prefer--is now up for sale. Asking price: $1 million.

A spokesman said the tomb is big enough to hold eight bodies (unless one of them is actually Elvis, in which case the count drops).

Belgrade Postmark Optional: A stamp commemorating NATO's 50th anniversary with a picture of a dove holding an olive branch has been postponed, according to Bruce Bellingham and Lothar Vallot, quoting the Philatelic Catalogue.

Alarming Trends Bureau: A Michigan toy company plans to market an Ozzy Osbourne action figure this summer.

Miniature toy bats with edible heads sold separately.

All Choked Up: We live in complex and bewildering times, which may explain the proliferation of toll-free numbers to help consumers figure out everything from computers to VCRs.

Now there's even an artichoke hotline, at (877) WE-R-CHOK. Sponsored by a Castroville, Calif., grower, it fields such questions as "How do you clean an artichoke?" We've always used lamp oil, but the hotline's "artichokologist" says simple tap water works fine.

The company also has a Web site ( that includes artichoke-related romance tips from Dr. Ruth.

Just Say No Bureau: A Maine juice company phoned last week to ask if we'd write about a publicity gimmick called "Happily Rejected," in which job-seekers can send in rejection letters from employers to get a free bottle of juice containing St. John's wort, an ingredient that allegedly lifts moods.

We declined, figuring the company had enough St. John's wort to handle our rejection of its idea.

Gaffe Watch 2000: Internet inventor Al Gore continues his quest to become the Dan Quayle of the Democratic party. His latest misstep, as noted in Scott Ostler's San

Francisco Chronicle column, was in Littleton, Colo., where the veep attended a memorial service for the slain students. He dressed for the occasion in a long black overcoat.

Everything but the Kitchen Sink: A used toilet, two acres of carpet, 10,000 phones, three miles of extension cords, a few salad bars and an old soda machine are some of the items up for grabs Saturday at an event being billed as the "world's largest yard sale."

Nearly 200 Ramada hotels--including one in Culver City--are taking part in the nationwide sale, which will unload old furniture, TVs, paintings, bedding and bathroom fixtures to raise money for a health clinic in Zambia.

Best Supermarket Tabloid Story: The media can be so gullible. During recent Marine Corps maneuvers at Camp Pendleton, most journalists blindly accepted Pentagon claims that the drills were geared toward Kosovo. Only the Weekly World News dug deeper and found the truth: "Marines Training to Fight Demons!"

It seems the military is worried about Bible prophecies coming true in the year 2000. One official said: "We don't honestly think the Earth will literally open up and our boys will be fighting horned monsters hand to hand in the streets of America's cities, but if it happens, we wouldn't want to be unprepared."

Unpaid Informants: Wireless Flash News Service, PR Newswire. Off-Kilter's e-mail address is Off-Kilter runs Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.

Los Angeles Times Articles