There is no truth to the rumor that Dustin Hoffman will be pictured in next month's issue of Playboy, wearing nothing but a feather boa and a tattoo of a bunny.
There is no truth to the rumor that Dustin Hoffman will be pictured in the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated, wearing nothing but a bikini the size of a slingshot.
There is no truth to the rumor that Dustin Hoffman will be pictured in an upcoming issue of Ladies Home Journal, wearing ladies' clothing, sitting at home, keeping a journal.
But he was pictured in a March 1997 issue of Los Angeles magazine, wearing a gown and heels.
Which is why Hoffman is spending January 1999 inside a Los Angeles courtroom, wearing a coat and tie.
The actor has sued the magazine in federal court, contending that if he wanted to be a fashion model, he probably would have:
(a) Not done it for free;
(b) Not done it in a dress;
(c) Not done it for Los Angeles magazine, which is known for its fashion layouts the way Popular Mechanics is known for its restaurant reviews.
At least this is the way I interpret the intense courtroom battle, Hoffman's biggest since Kramer defeated Kramer.
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OK, so it isn't exactly intense. OK, so the court coverage hasn't exactly been O.J.-esque.
(On the Channel 5 news Wednesday night, when a TV reporter asked Hoffman about the trial, Hoffman's reply was that the reporter's boots looked exactly like a pair Marlon Brando once wore. I haven't seen a TV moment with this much drama since Mr. Rogers sang a song while trying on a new cardigan sweater.)
Nevertheless, Hoffman vs. Los Angeles has been getting plenty of prime-time news coverage. Let's face it, it's been a while since we had a good story about a man in a dress, especially with us not having pro basketball.
One San Fernando Valley newspaper even put Hoffman's case on its front page Wednesday, right under a big story about killer bees. I think this pretty much sums up what everybody in the Valley was talking about that day, Dustin Hoffman in high heels and killer bees.
(Meanwhile, the Washington Post probably wasted Page 1 space with all that Senate-Clinton nonsense).
I personally intend to keep following this big Hoffman case, as I also suggest Court TV do. There is a lot more I want to know about this scandal, including whether it's true that Linda Tripp asked Dustin to save the dress.
