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Laugh Lines

July 01, 1999

On the Campaign Trail: Hillary Clinton, who's mulling a run for the Senate, plans to move to New York. "But it'll be hard for Hillary--she's leaving a lot of memories there in the White House. Or as Ken Starr calls them, evidence." (David Letterman)

It's Not About the Money: Forbes magazine's list of the richest people in the world has Bill Gates at No. 1 with $90 billion. "But is he happy? That's the important thing." (Jay Leno)

Foreign Thinking: The rebel Kosovo Liberation Army signed a deal with NATO promising that all returning ethnic Albanians will turn in most of their guns. "Great, now even Kosovo is more sane than we are." (Dennis Miller)

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The Essential

David Letterman

Slogans for the U.S. women's World Cup soccer team:

9. Got estrogen?

8. Any one of us could take on three whiny VH1 divas.

7. Hardly anyone crushed to death in our stands.

4. You'll come for the Hamm, you'll stay for the Brandi.

2. We make the men's World Cup team look like a bunch of knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathing humps.

1. It's this or field hockey.

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.

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