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Laugh Lines

July 23, 1999

The Unfriendly Skies: An American Airlines pilot reportedly ordered a 76-year-old flight attendant off the plane because he thought she was too frail to handle an emergency. "Now the flight attendant is complaining. She said no pilot has ever treated her like this before. Not even the Wright brothers." (Jay Leno)

The Unfriendly Skies II: "A 76-year-old flight attendant? That sounds like a Strom Thurmond sex fantasy." (Leno)

We Apologize in Advance: In Romania, the 40th annual international Mathematics Olympiad is underway. "Or as it's known in Europe, the Tour de Fractions." (Daily Scoop)

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The Essential

David Letterman

Top ways to make the new Muppet movie more appealing to teenagers:

10. Sexually curious Gonzo sticks nose in warm apple pie.

9. Introduce new Muppet--Notorious B.I.G. Bird.

7. Rumble scene with cast of "South Park"--Gonzo shanks Cartman.

5. Cookie Monster writes tell-all book about his struggles with eating disorder.

4. New fuzzy purple Muppet named "Ritalin."

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.

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