For years, the phrase "Mommy Wars" has defined the battle lines between mothers employed outside the home and mothers employed inside--each sharing a certain bleary-eyed exhaustion but divided along a stark demilitarized zone.
A new Times poll shows that the divide is somewhat exaggerated.
When it comes to responsibilities over children, child care decisions and communication with their children--among other issues--women in both camps hold markedly similar views. By contrast, men's views are far afield.
Some differences among women persist, however, most of them firmly rooted in their own experiences.
Women who stay at home are more skeptical about the ability of working mothers to connect well with their children, indicating concerns that may have led them to stay home in the first place.
Women employed outside the home show far less worry about the ability of children to cope with their absence, which may have contributed to their decision to work--or buttressed their position once they had made that decision.
Overall, the conflicts among women appear to mirror society's unease about how to rear its young, particularly as women's traditional roles have fallen by the wayside.
"There is still much ambivalence and real confused feelings about the need for women to work--not just for the income," said Vivian Weinstein, president of the Los Angeles City Commission on Children, Youth and Their Families.
"And yet we all sort of grew up where mom was available and at home and there was this glow of the community caring for kids--not just your mom but other moms too. There is still much conflict about that, and we haven't found anything to replace it."
Directed by Susan Pinkus, the Times Poll questioned 2,021 California adults, including 1,601 parents, from April 25 to May 1. The comparisons in this survey of working fathers, working mothers and stay-at-home mothers are of those with children 18 and younger. The margin of sampling error is 3.5 points in either direction.
The parallel views of women run throughout the survey. Queried on whether there should be mandatory child-rearing classes for new parents, 63% of working mothers and a virtually identical 64% of stay-at-home mothers said yes.
Working fathers, however, were split, with 46% in favor and 46% opposed. (There were not enough nonworking fathers in the poll to make a statistical comparison.)
