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Laugh Lines

May 03, 1999

Ooops: The CIA headquarters in Langley, Va., were named after George Bush last week. "Dan Quayle was supposed to go over there and attend the ceremony at the CIA, but he got confused and went to IKEA." (Bill Maher)

It's All Becoming Clear: A new book claims Al Gore smoked a lot of pot in college. "Apparently you could tell when Gore was really high because he'd stand motionless, stare straight ahead and speak in a dull monotone." (Conan O'Brien)

On the Docket: The Supreme Court is considering how disability is defined. "The issues include questions like: Can people who need glasses be classified as disabled? Currently they're classified as umpires." (Daily Scoop)

Reel Life: Monica Lewinsky said if they ever make a movie about the scandal, she wants Neve Campbell to play her. "And for Linda Tripp, I think she wants Ed Asner." (Jay Leno)

Reel Life II: "In fact, President Clinton said today if they get Neve Campbell to play Monica, he'll play himself." (Leno)

What a Holiday: Jamaica's tourism industry is planning a new campaign to lure tourists scared off by recent riots. "The country's new slogan? Come for the riots; stay for the looting." (Mark Wheeler)

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