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Laugh Lines

May 14, 1999

Hold Your Fire: The Chinese are demanding an investigation of the NATO bombing of their embassy. "The Chinese are upset, they don't know how it happened, and I'm thinking, well, boy that's odd. If the Chinese don't know how our missiles work, who does?" (David Letterman)

That's Sorry: NATO says the bombing of the Chinese Embassy was a mistake. "If NATO misses any more targets, we may have to change its name to the Clippers." (Alex Kaseberg)

Business Beat: Starbucks is raising the cost of a cup of coffee. "To show their disgust, Southland protesters plan to boycott the chain and go fill up their cars at gas stations instead." (Joshua Sostrin)

Get in Line: A new Washington, D.C., museum is devoted to drug addiction. "Reportedly the museum is doing well, but the snack bar is doing even better." (Conan O'Brien)

Raise the Curtain: A Broadway producer wants to do a musical based on the life of Amy Fisher. "It's called 'Butta-Bing, Butta-Boom, Buttafuoco.' " (Jay Leno)

Back to the Big Screen: Early reviews of the new "Star Wars" movie say the film is visually splendid but lacks substance. "And the Ewoks were something out of Ingmar Bergman?" (Daily Scoop)

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