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Laugh Lines

May 16, 1999

Hold Your Fire: The Chinese are upset with President Clinton over the bombing of their embassy. "Any damage to the building will be coming out of his influence checks." (Jay Leno)

On the Campaign Trail: In Detroit this month, Al Gore gave a speech about the future of the auto industry. "Reportedly, he made one slip when he referred to cars as 'my fellow machines.' " (Conan O'Brien)

Stands to Reason: In a survey, two-thirds of those polled said sex gets better the longer the relationship goes on. "Well, staying married to Hillary all these years has certainly worked for President Clinton." (Steve Voldseth)

Historical Fact: The body of an English climber who may have reached Mt. Everest in 1924 has been discovered near the mountain's summit. "The body was finally identified through a tag on the clothing. Of course, because he was English, there were no dental records." (Leno)

Brew Ha Ha: A group protesting Starbucks' rapid expansion has been repeatedly smashing the windows of the coffee store outlet in Maine. "Customers say it has been really inconvenient. Several times they had to use the Starbucks across the street." (O'Brien)

On the Big Screen: George Lucas told a reporter that one day he'd like to get all the original "Star Wars" characters back after they turn 70 or 80, and do a movie with them. "In fact, he's already picked out the title: 'Star Wars, 90210.' " (Voldseth)


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