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Laugh Lines

May 18, 1999

Hold Your Fire: At the U.S. Embassy in China last week, stones were thrown to protest NATO's bombing of the Chinese Embassy in Belgrade. "Though in an embarrassing admission, it was later revealed that most of the embassy windows were smashed by errant NATO rocks." (Craig Kilborn)

Historical Theory: Two books claim Abraham Lincoln was gay. "Which, if true, would instantly make him a member of one of the world's smallest minority groups--gay Republicans." (Steve Voldseth)


The Essential

David Letterman

Things dumb guys look for in cars:

9. Car horn that plays theme from "The Rockford Files."

8. Warning on cigarette lighter that reads: "Do not place on tongue."

7. Anti-lock locks.

6. Side-view mirror with reminder: "Objects in mirror are reflections of actual real-life objects, genius."

3. Secret compartment in center of steering wheel for storing Camels.

2. I don't know what the hell rack and pinion is, but give me all that you got.

1. A glove compartment that don't take a genius to open.

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