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Laugh Lines

May 19, 1999

Off the Campaign Trail: Giving some campaign advice, Bill Clinton told Al Gore just to go out there and have a good time. "That's got to make Tipper a little nervous, huh?" (Jay Leno)

Prepare for Liftoff: Airbus plans to build a jumbo jet that will carry 200 more passengers than a Boeing 747. "Actually, it's going to be the same size as a 747. But the seats will be a lot smaller." (Andrew Wisot)

The Essential David Letterman

Bad things about having a summer time-share with Darth Vader:

10. Claims those long-distance calls to the Death Star aren't his.

9. Uses Jedi powers to shake up your root beer right before you open it.

8. He's always accusing you of hiding his asthma inhaler.

7. Claims he paid you the rent "a long, long time go."

6. Dances around in nothing but cape and cowboy hat while doing "Darth Brooks" routine.

5. For once he could use Force to lift his wet towel off the couch.

4. That scary music that plays when he enters a room gets old.

2. Not easy cleaning burnt Ewok fur off the barbecue grill.

1. Constantly doing his lame James Earl Jones impression.

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