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Laugh Lines

May 25, 1999

She Can Relate: Hillary Rodham Clinton visited Kosovo refugees in Macedonia. "She said she heard harrowing stories about families torn apart and homes destroyed, and her first question was, 'Monica was here?' " (Bill Maher)

One for the Books: Tennessee passed a road-kill law that makes it legal for motorists to eat anything they run over. "Today in Nashville, Denny's introduced its new Pontiac Grand Am Breakfast." (Jay Leno)

Changing Channels: NBC's fall schedule includes a show about the White House, starring Martin Sheen as the president. "I think Charlie Sheen would be more accurate." (Leno)

Legal Line: A broker accused of swindling the Gambino crime family is in trouble with the Securities and Exchange Commission. "He double-crossed the mob and he's supposed to be worried about the SEC?" (Daily Scoop)

The Essential David Letterman

Signs your prom date is a loser:

10. He makes you leave early because the ice cream man wants the truck back.

6. Boasts "My grandfather was buried in this tux."

4. Your corsage is parsley from a Bennigan's baked potato.

3. When chaperons aren't looking, spikes punch with more punch.

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, SoCal Living, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.

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