Belmont, Where School Spirit Is High-Octane

Date: Sept. 4, 2009

To: Students, faculty and staff

From: Principal's office, Belmont Learning Complex

Welcome, bienvenidos, to Belmont--the newest, highest-tech and most expensive school in the nation!

Today is the first day of school, the first day of new adventures in learning, and we want to acquaint you with some of the features here at Belmont--the many things we have to be proud of.

By now, you and your parents have probably heard a lot of irresponsible words like "toxic" and "contamination" being tossed around. We take this opportunity to assure you and your family that the Belmont campus is safe, and that your school district would never put you at any real risk.

The truth is, these are all perfectly natural substances--as natural as trees or rocks!

In fact, the petroleum byproducts like methane and oil that lie beneath the surface are a key part of the rich, vital history of Los Angeles--and Belmont stands proudly, smack-dab in the middle of it!

The Indians who lived here before any of us used the oozing tar to waterproof their baskets. And in 1769, Father Crespi, with the Portola expedition from Mexico, wrote about "a great lake of pitch with many pools in which bubbles or blisters are continually forming and exploding."

On Nov. 4, 1892, only a few blocks from here, at the corner of 2nd and Glendale, a man named Doheny discovered oil, and pretty soon, families had oil derricks in their yards. There was even one in the middle of La Cienega Boulevard!

So if someone says, "Oh, you go to that toxic school," tell them that at Belmont, we're not walking on contaminated soil; we're walking on history itself!

At the beginning of each school year, we establish requirements and standards, and this is especially true at a new school like Belmont. Your homeroom teachers will go over these in detail, but we ask that you take this flier home to your parents or guardians to acquaint them with our policies.

Like many other schools these days, Belmont requires its students to wear uniforms. We're proud that at Belmont, our uniforms are not the dark-pants-white-shirt standard used elsewhere, but are as cutting edge and 21st century as our high-tech campus itself.

Designed especially for Belmont by the government experts at the Environmental Protection Agency, these handsome jumpsuits of "Belmont blue" poly/cotton are 100% washable. They are available in the school store for $29.95. Over the summer, the district "field-tested" them with students at other high schools, and they decided that the style, which resembles the zippered flight suits seen on America's heroic astronauts, is "dope"!