The "new" involved father may diaper his daughter in infancy and coach her in soccer once she starts school. But when she enters puberty, he's outta there, either because he has left home or lost heart.
That, at least, is the story of many dads and daughters, according to counselors, fathering experts and young women themselves.
"Girls go from being Daddy's little girl to not a part of Daddy anymore," said 19-year-old Sara Shandler. At 17, Shandler read more than 800 letters from girls for her book "Ophelia Speaks" (HarperPerennial). She was surprised by the number of writers who were angry at or depressed by their fathers' inattention in their teenage years. "A lot of girls wrote about their dads leaving, but even more wrote about feeling distant from their fathers," she said.
Will Glennon, publisher of Conari Press, interviewed hundreds of dads for his book "Fathering" and found that early adolescence is "exactly the moment when girls need Dad the most. And it's exactly the moment when Dad steps back. Even the good dads, who were there when she was little, do this. Girls are being severely and unnecessarily handicapped."
Girls who enjoy loving relationships with their fathers through adolescence show more confidence in themselves and achieve more in school, particularly in the sciences, said Heather Johnston Nicholson, research director of Girls Inc. Studies show they also are more likely to go to college and more likely to establish successful careers.
Involved dads help adolescent daughters accept their body changes proudly, said Joe Kelly, father of 19-year-old twin daughters and founder of the organization Dads and Daughters. They teach her not to be afraid of the outside world and to take risks in a calculated way. They show daughters how to pay bills. They talk to their daughters about negotiating the world of men and pay attention to the young men in whom they are interested.
Absent, disinterested or abusive dads can seriously damage girls' psyche, said Janice Hutchinson, medical director of the child and adolescent units at the Psychiatric Institute of Washington. Most of the girls she has counseled in detention centers, like most incarcerated boys, suffered from father absence or abuse.
"The bitterness that flows toward fathers is astonishing," she said.
A girl who feels abandoned by her dad as her sexuality begins to emerge can become confused sexually, said Jonetta Rose Barras, author of "Whatever Happened to Daddy's Little Girl?" (One World).
