Forget Imports; We Have Enough Ugly Americans

Dear Fashion Police: I just returned from Europe and noticed some fashion trends that would make you issue a citation or two. They include the following items: Women smartly dressed in black outfits wearing clunky white shoes (OK, it's after Memorial Day, but what happened to the rule that shoes should not be a lighter color than the outfit?). Women dressed in slacks and blouses wearing a skirt or pareo over their slacks. (The pareo really accentuates a large derriere when worn this way!) Women sporting bright red hair that makes them look like everyone's favorite cartoon woodpecker. In the past I've noticed that fashion trends develop in Europe before arriving in the U.S. If so, can you close our borders and refuse to allow them entry? Please establish a blockade.

--BORN IN THE USA

Dear Born: Although we've done our share of ragging on American travelers for the sloppy and funky ways we dress, we never said that this country had the exclusive rights to looking weird. It's a great big planet, and people in every country make some odd clothing choices.

Evidently Europe is no exception. However, there are a couple of points we'd like to make: What is this "rule" about shoes not being lighter than the outfit? Picture this: black capris, a black top, a pink headband and pink shoes. What's wrong with that?

Also, it used to be that trends developed in Europe and then made their way across the ocean, where we style-starved Americans eagerly awaited their arrival. But now that we live in a beautiful global culture, where influential media such as movies, television, magazines and the Internet are crisscrossing every which way, Europe no longer has a monopoly on trendsetting.

So closing our borders to the occasional fashion miscreant would not only be unneighborly, it would also do nothing to stem the tide. The floodgates opened a long time ago.

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Dear Fashion Police: I am going to be the mother of the groom at my son's wedding. It will take place in Florida in a church in late August at 11 a.m. The bridesmaids' dresses will be emerald green and tea-length. The mother of the bride will wear a teal dress. The men in the wedding party, plus the father of the bride and groom, will wear tuxedos.

I have chosen a dusty lavender velvet dress with cap sleeves that is slit at the leg. I plan to wear a small--but not gaudy--rhinestone necklace and black ankle-strap shoes with a black purse. Since velvet has moved to daytime wear and the dress does not look too heavy, I hope you approve. Also, your input on the accessories would be appreciated.