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| In Your Dreams

A Testament to the Power of Love

March 07, 2000|CYNTHIA RICHMOND | SPECIAL TO THE TIMES

Dear Cynthia: One of my best friends died 22 years ago in a tragic car accident. I still dream about him every three to four months. Sometimes the dreams are of him dying, but mostly they are of him being alive. In them, we hang out and have a wonderful time together. The dreams are so lifelike that I wake up and wonder if he really is still alive, until I snap to and realize it was a dream. The odd thing is, I've lost other friends and family but I never dream about anyone else in this way, only him. Can you explain why I still dream about him and feel he's alive in the dreams and wake up either feeling so good, or really shaken?

--DENISE S.

Via e-mail

Dear Denise: I believe that love survives the grave. That it is a powerful conduit connecting living people over the miles that separate them as well as connecting the souls of departed loved ones to the living.

You miss your friend very much. How do we know that he doesn't also miss you? Perhaps the dream state is the only way that he has of spending time with you. It must be very sad to relive his death through your dreams, remembering the details of pain and loss, but these dreams may remind you to live each moment of your life fully. Not to take anything or anyone for granted because life is uncertain. Perhaps this is their purpose. The dreams in which the two of you spend time enjoying each other are a blessing, as is witnessed by the wonderful feeling you wake up with.

Whether your vivid dreams are an actual visitation from your dear friend or are symbolic and compensatory, that is, giving you the opportunity and balance you seek in your friend's absence, they seem to be an important part of your life. If you can view them as a gift from your friend, and put yourself at ease after the disturbing version, I see no reason to make any changes. If, on the other hand, you are having trouble letting go and you feel disturbed by the dreams, you may want to seek some grief counseling to help you accept your loss.

Cynthia Richmond is the author of "Dream Power, How to Use Your Night Dreams to Change Your Life" (Simon & Schuster, 2000). Fax your dreams to Cynthia Richmond at (818) 783-3267 or e-mail them to in.your.dreams@worldnet.att.net. Please include your hometown and a daytime phone number. "In Your Dreams" appears every Tuesday and should be read for entertainment purposes only.

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