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March 08, 2000

Resisting Temptation: "Monica Lewinsky said . . . that President Clinton is so charismatic that, after being alone with him for five minutes, any woman would have done what she did. Which explains why today, President Clinton scheduled a four-minute meeting with Janet Reno." (Conan O'Brien)

Way Over the Limit: "More bad news for Bill Bradley. Last night he was pulled over by the police and charged with driving while under the influence of thinking he can win." (Jay Leno)

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The Essential David Letterman

Top Signs

Your Campaign Is Doomed

10. Campaign bus adorned with catchy slogan "Greyhound."

8. Your name: Michael S. Dukakis.

7. John Rocker won't shut up about how great you are.

6. You ask wife whom she voted for; she says, "That's personal."

5. You own one suit, and it's starting to get ripe.

3. Only "celebrity" supporting you is guy who sort of looks like Roy Scheider.

2. When McCain mentions years in Vietnamese prison, you brag, "In junior high I was, like, always getting detention."

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Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.

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