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Laugh Lines

March 15, 2000

The Right Price: "Al Gore said he is going to make campaign finance reform a cornerstone . . . of his campaign. He also said anyone can have their name engraved on the cornerstone for a simple donation of $10,000." (Jay Leno)

On Staff: "The Dist. Atty. Alex Hunter [of Boulder, Colo.] announced he will retire at the end of this year. . . . I guess this way he figures he can now work full time for the Ramseys." (Leno)

So Sorry: "The pope apologizes for errors of the Catholic Church. . . . Several cardinals and bishops stood before the pope and cited notorious Catholic sins like the oppression of women, the Crusades and the Inquisition. The pope ignored one bishop, however, who kept complaining about someone named Msgr. Vito who was parking in his space." (Jon Stewart)

Quality Control: "Some of God's handiwork is flawed. There are rivers that overflow, volcanoes that aren't quite sealed and tectonic plates that crack over time. But isn't it comforting to know that even God has trouble finding a reliable contractor?" (Dennis Miller)

Snooze Button: "Dodgers pitcher Carlos Perez was arrested after police found him asleep at the wheel of his car at a traffic light. He was charged with driving under the influence of a Kenny G CD." (Alex Kaseberg)


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