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Laugh Lines

March 31, 2000

True Snooze: "The Academy Awards were so dull, I thought I was hosting." (David Letterman)

And the Winner Is: "Russians went to the voting booths in droves to elect their next leader, Vladimir Putin. Putin won a tight victory, narrowly beating out 'The Cider House Rules.' " (Craig Kilborn)

Case Closed: "Peter Benchley, author of the 1974 blockbuster 'Jaws,' said recently that if he had it to do all over again he would not write the book because it created undue fear of sharks. He said if he were to write another book about a 'conscious villain,' it would be titled 'Lawyers.' " (Jerry Perisho)

Breaking Out: "Health officials have announced that we are in the middle of a major outbreak of syphilis in Los Angeles. Or as we call it, 'March Madness!' " (Jay Leno)

Supporting Role: "I saw ['Erin Brockovich'] . . . and Julia Roberts sure puts the 'bra' in 'bravo.' " (Andrew Wisot)

The Mane Clause: "The Walt Disney Co. is relaxing its long-standing ban against theme park employees having facial hair. However, there is still a rule that Prince Charming's mustache has to be bushier than Sleeping Beauty's." (Perisho)

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.

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