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SECTION GEE!

Laugh Lines

May 04, 2000

On the Run: "According to a new British study, sex before a race is actually good for marathon runners. That's true. But who didn't know that? What do most guys say after they have sex with a woman? 'Sorry babe, gotta run.' " (Jay Leno)

Road Menace: "Mayor Giuliani announced he is going to start seizing cars driven by problem motorists, [whom he described as] anyone who has a bumper sticker that says, 'Hillary for Senate.' " (Conan O'Brien)

Tourist Traps: "Amsterdam police have published a pamphlet called the Police Red Light Guide . . . to help locals and tourists find drugs safely and locate hookers. Some cities will do anything to get an NFL team." (Argus Hamilton)

Peek-a-Boo: "Talking to a Republican women's group, Elizabeth Dole said, 'There is no glass ceiling' for women trying to reach the White House. . . . If there was one, you know Clinton would be peering through it, trying to look down women's blouses." (Jerry Perisho)

Word of Honor: "Starting next year, students at the University of Michigan will be signing an honesty pledge stating that they won't cheat. In a related story, Hillary Clinton has enrolled Bill at the University of Michigan." (Rudolph J. Cecera)

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.

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