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Laugh Lines

May 09, 2000

Drug Screening: Al Gore has "called for drug testing of inmates. How does that work? Say they flunk the test--do they go to prison prison? You are already in prison!" (Jay Leno)

Infectious Love: "A virus . . . e-mail, titled 'I love you,' has affected computers worldwide. A virus that tricks you by saying, 'I love you'? Sounds like men." (Craig Kilborn)

Heart-to-Heart: "On ABC's '20/20,' Kathie Lee and Frank Gifford were talking . . . [about their marriage]. Where is the blackout when you really need it?" (David Letterman)


The Essential

David Letterman

Top Signs You Have

a Lame Computer Virus

8. "Attacks processor by decreasing RAM by 20 megabytes--basically, turns cursor into Ms. Pac Man."

6. "All the adult sites now have photos of nude Bill Gates."

5. "You now have access to only 48,765 'N Sync sites."

3. "Turns computer monitor into television that only shows CBS."

2. "E-mails your friends telling them you actually bought one of those George Foreman grills."

1. "It's programmed to go off sometime in the year 1963."

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