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Laugh Lines

May 17, 2000

Bare With It: "Paula Jones, . . . who sued President Clinton for allegedly exposing himself in a Little Rock hotel, is going to be posing for Penthouse. They are negotiating what will be exposed. She wants to cover the area below the waist, and they want to cover the area above the neck." (Jay Leno)

Dino-mite: "McDonald's is about to release a big promotion tied to the Walt Disney movie 'Dinosaurs.' . . . In the film, we learn what made dinosaurs extinct: the Egg McMuffin." (Jerry Perisho)


The Essential

David Letterman

Top Signs Mayor Giuliani

Is in Love With You

10. Shows up with wine, cheese and a court order forcing you to picnic with him.

9. Thanks to a city maintenance crew, the Statue of Liberty now looks like you.

8. Rent mysteriously lowered to $8,000 a month.

7. Casually say that you're a dog person, and the next day he announces "Cats" is closing.

3. When he visits you, comb-over is in the shape of a heart.

2. Cops bust down your door to leave love notes from "your secret admirer."

1. Says that to spend time with you, he'd even endorse Hillary.

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