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Laugh Lines

May 29, 2000

Hit the Road: "According to a new survey, the times of the day you're most likely to be hit by a drunk driver are 2 a.m., 6 a.m. and 4 p.m. No, wait . . . those are the times you're most likely to be hit by Halle Berry." (Andrew Wisot)

Special Delivery: "Larry King [is] a father again at age 66. Everything went fine with the delivery. They brought in a specialist to slap the baby--Bobby Knight." (Jay Leno)


The Essential David Letterman

Top Features of

the NRA Restaurant

10. Freshest meat in town because they shoot it right before your eyes.

9. Bulletproof lobster bibs.

8. Mandatory seven-day waiting period between ordering dinner and dessert.

7. Tip over 20%, get complimentary frisking by waitress.

5. All waiters named "Smith" or "Wesson."

4. Eric Clapton guitar they stole at gunpoint from Hard Rock Cafe.

3. Movie memorabilia from such stars as Charlton Heston . . . and Charlton Heston.

1. Bar sells both kinds of Colt .45.

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