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Laugh Lines

May 31, 2000

Hand It Over: "Bad news for [Rudy Giuliani]. . . . His wife, Donna Hanover, is suing for divorce. So pretty soon, the mayor will Hanover two cars and the keys to the summer house." (David Letterman)

Dress Code: "President Clinton has announced plans to fund more bulletproof vests for police officers . . . as well as more stain-proof dresses for interns." (Rudolph J. Cecera)

Searching for Truth: "The Ramseys said they both took lie detector tests. It wasn't actually a polygraph test. . . . They just asked each other questions using the 'Magic 8' ball." (Jay Leno)

In the Money: "The U.S. mint unveiled its newly designed five- and 10-dollar bills . . . or, as Bill Gates refers to them, 'kindling.' " (Craig Kilborn)

Lunch Special: "The big item on the menu [at the NRA's planned restaurant in Times Square]: the whacked chicken." (Letterman)

Getting a Make-Over: "An article in People magazine claims that Vice President Al Gore has been trying out a new pressurized makeup applicator, which is apparently used by Catherine Zeta-Jones. . . . It must be working--Gore was proposed to by Michael Douglas." (Conan O'Brien)

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Send jokes to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, SoCal Living, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.

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