1: Oklahoma 7-0: Rankman hasn't heard so much car-horn tooting in Norman since Boz signed to star in "Stone Cold."
2: Miami 6-1: Coach believes Vick won't play as much as he believes checkers is a sport.
3: Florida State 8-1: Crushing loss at Miami a few weeks ago . . . suddenly not so crushing.
4: Virginia Tech 8-0: Injured Vick calls W. Reed to see how to best enter the national stage.
5: Oregon 7-1: Aliotti must be fired after defense gives up 55 points. Say what? The Ducks won? Never mind.
6: Florida 7-1: Don King asked to promote "'Spurrier vs. Holtz" for SEC East Division title on Nov. 11.
7: Washington 7-1: Huskies seem to be winning every week on a fling and a prayer.
8: Nebraska 7-1: Team requests morning games only after going up 14-0 on Oklahoma before noon.
9: Texas Christian 7-0: Franchione reads team Agatha Christie's BCS bedtime story, "And Then There Was One."
10: Oregon State 7-1: If a 10-1 team fell in the forest, would anyone at BCS headquarters hear it?
11: Purdue 7-2: Two special teams blunders (Notre Dame-Penn State) from playing for national title.
12: Clemson 8-1: Turns out there was a catch to this year's BCS dream . . . and the Georgia Tech guy made it.
13: Notre Dame 6-2: Irish use bye week to invest future BCS bowl earnings.
14: South Carolina 7-2: Long-suffering Gamecock fans are 63.97% sold on this year's turnaround.
15: Southern Mississippi 6-1: One more 6-3 victory and Rankman ships team straight to the NFL.
16: Ohio State 6-2: In the future, you may want to cover Purdue receivers.
17: Michigan 6-2: Carr's kids looking to knock giddy smile off Northwestern faces. 18: Georgia 6-2: Coach asks waitress for World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail after another loss to Spurrier.
19: Texas 6-2: QB report: Applewhite sets another school record and Simms threw another interception. 20: Northwestern 6-2: Scribe alums calling game-winning pass "one small heave for man, one giant heave for mankind."
21: Mississippi State 5-2: Memo to Alabama AD. This coach played for Bear and probably wouldn't blame losses on God.
22: Texas A&M 6-2: All aboard. The Oklahoma train pulls into College Station on Nov. 11.
23: Georgia Tech 6-2: Kerry Watkins proved he could beat Clemson with one hand tied behind his back.
24: UCLA 5-3: Bruin players gather to play new Parker Bros. game called "What if?"
25: Kansas State 7-2: Too bad the Wildcats couldn't get softy USC on the schedule this year.
