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A consumer's guide to the best and worst of sports media and merchandise. Ground rules: If it can be read, played, heard, observed, worn, viewed, dialed or downloaded, it's in play here.

November 22, 2000|LARRY STEWART

What: "Dick Enberg's Humorous Quotes for All Occasions"

Author: Dick Enberg, with Brian and Wendy Morgan

Publisher: Andrews McMeel

Price: $12.95

Dick Enberg and his co-authors have hit on a great idea. They have assembled more than 1,000 one-liners with the idea of assisting people in public speaking. But this 243-page book is a good read for anyone.

In the introduction, Enberg writes about announcing the 1998 Super Bowl in San Diego in front of a viewing audience of more than 140 million and not being afraid. A few months later he was speaking in front of 300 telephone executives. His anxiety level this time was greater.

"And then I called upon a dependable old friend--humor," writes Enberg.

Enberg later notes: "As Jerry Seinfeld put it: 'The No. 1 fear in life is public speaking, and the No. 2 fear is death. This means that if you go to a funeral, you're better off in a casket than giving the eulogy.' "

The book has 29 chapters, offering one-liners for all occasions. Of course there is a chapter with sports one-liners.

A sampling:

From golfer Miller Barber: "I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced."

From Sam Snead: "You've got just one problem. You stand too close to the ball--after you've hit it."

Enberg advises to know your audience and that golf jokes aren't good for golfers because more than likely they've heard all the golf jokes.

This on skiing from Chad Morgan, son of the co-authors: "I look on skiing as standing in an ice-cold shower while tearing up $100 bills."

And what would a book of one-liners be without at least one from Yogi Berra: "Baseball is 90% mental. The other half is physical."

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