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Laugh Lines

November 29, 2000

Two of a Kind: "There's not much difference between the two men. You have George W. Bush, who's as dense as a post--and Al Gore, who's as stiff as one." (Paul Steinberg)

Separate Ways: "L.A. County officials say enough valid signatures have been recorded for government studies to move forward on [Hollywood] seceding from Los Angeles. . . . Officials say the two cities will remain good friends and will have joint custody of Hollywood Boulevard freaks, pimps and streetwalkers." (Mark Wheeler)

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The Essential David Letterman

Top Things You Don't Want

to Hear From a Guy at the Gym

10. "You know, usually when I'm on a bike, I'm being chased by the cops."

6. "You know, I don't work here, but for $50 I could be your 'personal trainer.' "

5. "Bow down to me! I am Stair Master!"

4. "Hey, I'm gonna take a shower. You mind spotting me?"

3. "Uh-oh, I feel a steroid rage coming on."

2. "How long could I keep a dead guy in my locker before somebody gets suspicious?"

1. "Do my abs look like Brad Pitt's yet?"

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Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, 90012.

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