YOU ARE HERE: LAT HomeCollections

Laugh Lines

November 29, 2000

Two of a Kind: "There's not much difference between the two men. You have George W. Bush, who's as dense as a post--and Al Gore, who's as stiff as one." (Paul Steinberg)

Separate Ways: "L.A. County officials say enough valid signatures have been recorded for government studies to move forward on [Hollywood] seceding from Los Angeles. . . . Officials say the two cities will remain good friends and will have joint custody of Hollywood Boulevard freaks, pimps and streetwalkers." (Mark Wheeler)


The Essential David Letterman

Top Things You Don't Want

to Hear From a Guy at the Gym

10. "You know, usually when I'm on a bike, I'm being chased by the cops."

6. "You know, I don't work here, but for $50 I could be your 'personal trainer.' "

5. "Bow down to me! I am Stair Master!"

4. "Hey, I'm gonna take a shower. You mind spotting me?"

3. "Uh-oh, I feel a steroid rage coming on."

2. "How long could I keep a dead guy in my locker before somebody gets suspicious?"

1. "Do my abs look like Brad Pitt's yet?"


Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, 90012.

Los Angeles Times Articles