Tom Cowlishaw of the Dallas Morning News, writing before Sunday's Dallas Cowboy-Arizona Cardinal game:
"At their worst, the Cowboys are the high-functioning alcoholic, mingling smoothly without raising eyebrows at the cocktail party in the high-rise penthouse.
"The Cardinals are the drunk, sprawled in the alley below."
Well, the Cardinals are still stoned in the alley, having lost to the Cowboys, 48-7, on Sunday. Neither team, though, lives in a high-rent district. The Cowboys are 3-4, the Cardinals 2-5.
Trivia time: Who holds the NFL record for most points scored in a season?
Wait a minute! Bernie Miklasz of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, writing before Sunday's game between the St. Louis Rams and Kansas City Chiefs.
"Averaging 43.7 points and and more than 500 yards per game, the Rams are billed as 'The Greatest Show on Earth.' Compared with the Rams, the other teams seem to be running in slow motion."
The Chiefs routed the Rams, 54-34.
Hackers, attention! Blackie Sherrod in the Dallas Morning News: "Death of Lighthorse Harry Cooper (upstate New York at 96) reminds geezers that the [golf] tour pioneer, winner of 31 events, grew up in Big D, where his pop was a club pro.
"Nickname was coined by Damon Runyan, because of Cooper's rapid pace. He and George Van Elm once played last round for L.A. Open championship in 2 hrs, 30 minutes.
Playing tastes good: Doug Flutie made a comeback and so did his cereal, Flutie's Flakes.
Doctors had barely diagnosed Rob Johnson's separated shoulder, an injury that resulted in Flutie's temporarily regaining the starting quarterback job for the Buffalo Bills, when the sales of his the cereal picked up.
Who goofed? Long-time boxing promoter Don Fraser reported that Tommy Burns, who held the heavyweight title in 1906, was inducted posthumously into the World Boxing Hall of Fame on Saturday.
"What is unusual about Burns' honor is that he he was inducted by the same group in 1993," Fraser said.
Classy class: Sports historian Dwain Esper reports that the college quarterback class of 1998 has been a bonus to the NFL with seven regularly starting quarterbacks:
Akili Smith, Cincinnati Bengals; Tim Couch, Cleveland Browns; Brock Huard, Seattle Seahawks; Donovan McNabb, Philadelphia Eagles; Daunte Culpepper, Minnesota Vikings; Cade McNown, Chicago Bears; and Shaun King, Tampa Bay Buccaneers.
Temporary truce: Jerry Greene in the Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel: "New York is working hard to clean up its act. As a gesture of good faith, all wallets stolen on the subways will be returned for the duration of the Series."
Trivia answer: Paul Hornung of the Green Bay Packers, 176 in 1960: 15 touchdowns, 41 PATs and 15 field goals.
And finally: Mike Lupica in the New York Daily News: "If the Mets are going to come all the way back, they have to get four games from the Yankees out of five.
"There might not be a baseball team in history that can get four of five off [Joe] Torre's Yankees in the World Series."