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Laugh Lines

September 11, 2000

Loud and Clear: "At a rally in Illinois, a live microphone caught George W. Bush telling running mate Dick Cheney, 'There's Adam Clymer, a major-league a------ from the New York Times.' . . . Bush claims he didn't know the microphone was turned on. Kind of like Clinton claimed he didn't know the intern was turned on." (Alex Kaseberg)

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The Essential David Letterman

Top Things Going Through George W. Bush's Mind at This Moment

10. "Oh, well, I'll just get daddy to fix it somehow."

9. "I picked a guy who says 'big time' to be my vice president?"

8. "I'll bet Gore and Lieberstein are going to have a field day with this one."

7. "That's what I get for partying till 3 a.m."

6. "I sure hope this doesn't cost me the major-league a------ vote."

5. "Cheney bald . . . head look like melon . . . melon yummy."

4. Nothing.

3. "When I left this morning, did I remember to turn off the electric chair?"

1. "Actually, [Adam Clymer's] minor league compared with Letterman."

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