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Laugh Lines

September 15, 2000

Facing Fears: George W. Bush "said he is not afraid of an open primary. He's not afraid of an open debate. The only thing he's afraid of is an open mike." (Jay Leno)

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The Essential David Letterman

Top Signs the U.N. Doesn't Take Your Country Seriously

10. The cafeteria tablecloth looks suspiciously like your country's flag.

9. Your country's sole U.N. responsibility is putting up streamers for the holiday dance.

8. You're officially introduced as "What's-His-Face from the Hellhole."

7. You have to share a room with Saddam Hussein.

6. Your wife has to share a room with President Clinton.

5. At the big summit conference, Castro keeps asking you to get him a decaf latte.

4. You're informed that your country was won by Sweden in a late-night poker game.

3. As a salute to democracy, you donate your country's constitution. Ten minutes later, you see it in the "free" box.

2. Under his breath, [U.N. Secretary General] Kofi Annan calls you a "major-league a------."

1. You receive invitation to the big September summit in October.

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