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Laugh Lines

September 17, 2000

In the Flesh: "Roseanne is appearing nude in the magazine Gear. Who knows? After seeing Richard Hatch [from 'Survivor'] nude, Roseanne might be a pleasant treat." (Daily Scoop)

A Drastic Improvement: "I'm sure you know this by now: . . . An open microphone caught George W. Bush using a profanity to describe a reporter from the New York Times. The good news for Bush is it was a two-syllable word, so it's a step up." (Jay Leno)

Name-Calling: "George W. Bush called a New York Times reporter, Adam Clymer, an a------ onstage. . . . Republicans are encouraged by the comment. This is the first indication they've had that their candidate actually reads the newspaper." (Argus Hamilton)

Her Father's Daughter: Regarding Chelsea Clinton dating a White House intern: "Clinton says he likes the kid. Well, that makes sense--the guy never met an intern he didn't like." (David Letterman)

Behind the Mask: "According to costume sellers, the mask of the presidential candidate that sells the most at Halloween usually wins the election. In a related story, George W. Bush is considering changing his name to Batman." (Conan O'Brien)

Free Falling . . . : "Here's our legal system for you--an Idaho college student has sued a university in Idaho after he fell out of a third-story window while mooning his friends. . . . How pathetic is that? . . . It's just another example of a young man's life ruined by crack." (Leno)


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