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Laugh Lines

February 11, 2001

Lights Off: "The California Assembly recently passed a bill to help solve the state's electricity shortage. . . . It orders businesses to cut their outdoor lighting at night by 50%. . . . This bill is called the Looters Full Employment Act of 2001." (Argus Hamilton)

Huge Oversight: "Federal law enforcement officials have confirmed that a 3-ton elephant was smuggled from the United States into Mexico, right past the customs agents. . . . A 3-ton elephant? . . . And you wonder how a little coke gets through." (Jay Leno)

A Shot of Relief: "A construction worker in Pennsylvania accidentally cut off his hand with a saw recently. . . . Doctors said that the guy then shot himself in the head about a couple of times with one of those nail guns to ease the pain. . . . They said the nails may have actually worked to relieve the pain. . . . And you thought your HMO was bad." (R.J. Johnson)

Aim and Shoot: "A White House gunman was shot in the leg. . . . And Bill Clinton was supportive. . . . After all, he's made a career of dodging bullets." (Kenny Noble Cortes)

Food That's Really Bad for You: "According to the Examiner . . . a woman in London claims to have seen the face of God in a tub of Philadelphia cream cheese. . . . Let me tell you something . . . if you're eating tubs of cream cheese, you are going to see God soon enough!" (Leno)

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Send us a line: Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, 90012.

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