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Laugh Lines

January 05, 2001

Chaotic Civics: "It's got to be hard for people in other countries to follow our system of government--the way our election works. The people voted for [Al] Gore to do it, then the courts said [George W.] Bush should do it, and then Bush said, 'No, no, [Dick] Cheney, you do it.' " (Jay Leno)

Public Affair: "The mayor of Milwaukee took out a full-page ad [to apologize] . . . for having a five-year affair with a city employee. You know what Bill Clinton calls a five-year affair? A quickie!" (Andrew Wisot)

In the Chimp House: "Clinton signed into law new legislation that will create sanctuaries for hundreds of old, retired research chimps. Now [he] will have some place to go if Hillary kicks him out." (Gary Greenfield)

Remedial Presidency: "President Clinton . . . wants to leave his successor, George W. Bush, everything he needs to take over. [Clinton] was online . . . with Amazon.com looking for a book called 'Government for Dummies.' " (Argus Hamilton)

Admirable Traits: "According to a new CNN poll, Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. . . . Women admire her because she's strong and successful, and men admire her for letting her husband cheat and get away with it." (Leno)

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