I've never been to France, largely because I'm told it's absolutely teeming with French people. Although I don't know any French people personally, common wisdom--or bigotry, if you will--holds that authentic French people are insufferable.
Fortunately, we live in the Internet age. So I decided to see how much of France I could experience without exposing myself to the French people.
Of course, I know that a virtual experience pales in comparison with the real thing. But think about it: 10 years ago, this visiting-France-without-leaving-home idea would have been impossible instead of just silly. And it turns out my experience was far more international than I expected. That World Wide Web thing is more than just a slogan.
My France plan was simple. First, I would try to use the World Wide Web to order some genuine French accouterments--literally, "stuff"--and then see what I could see in France with my modem.
I also resolved to get some authentically nasty French food, perhaps some sort of fantastically overpriced substance made from animal organs.
Something in a tin would be appropriate since the French, who are famed for their cuisine--they developed those fabulous sauces as a way of disguising rancid meat--also gave us canned food.
I wanted to order something loathsome in a can directly from France, and thought I'd gotten lucky straight off. The Google search engine now offers a built-in translation capability. I went to the home page for Yahoo's French operation, got Google to translate the pages on the fly and settled in for some shopping.
My first pick was some Andouille de guememe-Bernard, which is made from chaudin of pig. The rough English translation of chaudin is chitterlings. Yep, we're talking pig stomach, folks. Mmm, mmm. Just what the doctor ordered.
Unfortunately, not what the Dave could order. I went through the buying process, but, at the end, a friendly message popped up: "Sorry, but this store is closed." Attempts to buy other items such as foie gras at other online French stores through the Yahoo site were also thwarted. So far, this whole Internet thing was a big bust. Dump your stock! Again!
But then an inspiration: I would order French-made products through U.S. suppliers. I got two pounds of chocolate truffles from Legacy Gift Box in Oregon (http://www.legacygiftbox.com), a bottle of Fortant De France Cabernet from Internet Wines & Spirits of Illinois (http://www.internetwines.com) and a box of restaurant candles from Restoration Hardware (http://www.restorationhardware.com).
