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Laugh Lines

March 01, 2001

For Show: "According to some reports, Jennifer Lopez and Puff Daddy may have broken up as much as six months ago but have been maintaining a facade so that Puff doesn't go to jail. . . . Hey, it works for the Clintons." (Jay Leno)

Fast Food: "In the next 'Hannibal' sequel, [Hannibal Lecter] beats kidnapping charges by proving he was just getting his dinner 'to go.' " (R.J. Johnson)

Top Guns: "A Presidents Day annual Gallup Poll said that Ronald Reagan was the greatest U.S. president. . . . He's followed by Jack Kennedy, Abraham Lincoln and Bill Clinton. . . . So that's three who were shot and one who is bulletproof." (Argus Hamilton)

Stay Away: "In Iran, three men were flogged in public for getting drunk and having sex. . . . In a related story, Frommers' Travel Guide lists Iran as the worst place to visit for spring break." (Conan O'Brien)

Needed: Baby Boom: "Russia has a serious problem. It seems the population of Russia is dying off and they need a dramatic increase in their birthrate immediately. . . . Here's a diplomatic mission that's perfect for Jesse Jackson." (Leno)

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Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, 90012.

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