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Laugh Lines

March 11, 2001

Dirty Talk: "The TV show 'Extra' did an expose on pay phones and how germ-infested pay phones are. They said the average pay-phone mouthpiece has over 100 viruses on it, including saliva and other body fluid. They said a one-minute phone call is like spending a month on 'Temptation Island.' " (Jay Leno)

Art Imitating Life: "It's going to be bloody, gritty, grisly and gory. . . . That's the picture the New York Post columnist Cindy Adams is painting of a new flick coming out, starring Robert De Niro. '15 Minutes' is shot in New York and will feature people getting blown up, tortured, murdered, stabbed, hacked to bits and set fire to. . . . That's not a movie--that's a New York City subway ride." (Mark Wheeler)

Top Secret: "The FBI says Robert Hanssen gave the KGB 6,000 pages of secrets. Congress is furious. For eight years, they tried to get the Clinton administration to turn over documents. And the only guy who did gave them to the Russians." (Argus Hamilton)

Lock 'Em Up: "A new study says that during Bill Clinton's two terms, more new prisoners were added to our federal and state prisons than under the 12 years of Ronald Reagan and George Bush combined. In all, [roughly] 277,000 new people entered the prison system. . . . [Clinton] shouldn't be surprised--he knew the majority of those new prisoners. They're the people who refused to testify in the Whitewater scandal." (Daily Scoop)

Pig Out: "A pig farmer in Romania was attacked by his herd of pigs. The guy lost an ear, a testicle and part of his scalp--or, as Hannibal Lecter calls it, mixed grill." (Leno)

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Send us a line: Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, 90012.

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