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Laugh Lines

March 22, 2001

Mind and Body: "A new poll shows that 54% of women said they would rather have a perfect body than a genius IQ. . . . I guess with a genius IQ, they can do whatever they want. . . . With a perfect body, you can get somebody else to do whatever you want." (Jay Leno)

The Ideal Man: "In a recent interview, Jennifer Lopez said that she is very romantic and that she's looking for a 'knight in shining armor.' In other words, she wants a guy who can't go through a metal detector." (Conan O'Brien)

Short and Sweet: "In an effort to keep the proceedings at this year's Oscar ceremonies moving right along, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has requested that winners keep their acceptance speeches to a maximum length of 45 seconds. And this time, the Academy is so serious about the time limit, if too many people exceed it, [the Academy has] threatened to bring Whoopi Goldberg back to host next year." (Ira Lawson)

All Cleared: "Rap mogul Sean 'Puffy' Combs was found not guilty in New York City of charges related to a Manhattan nightclub shooting last year. A 12-man jury declared him innocent of everything. This could end his career as a rapper." (Argus Hamilton)

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Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, 90012.

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