Saturday is California Coastal Cleanup Day (more info at http://healthebay.org) and, if past years are an indication, all sorts of curious treasures will be recovered.
Previous finds included a full bottle of Prozac, a note from a Russian sailor looking for a pen pal, a breast pump, and a prosthetic leg.
On one local beach, a rowing machine was found in shallow waters. You think someone thought it was supposed to be rowed in the ocean?
A dramatic sequel: My colleague Pam Wilson was taking Amtrak from L.A. to San Diego on Saturday when a conductor became wedged between two doors. Passenger Kyle Chandler rushed to her aid and forced the doors open.
"The conductor said, 'Thank you, you saved my life,"' Wilson reported. "And he said, 'It's OK, lady. I do it all the time.' "
It was typecasting for Chandler, who was the star of the (since-canceled) TV series "Early Edition." He played a guy who received the newspaper a day ahead of time, enabling him to save people from disasters.
Just thinking: Too bad Chandler can't tell me what's going to be in my column on Wednesday. Sure would save me a lot of trouble. I could probably throw away my bottle of Prozac.
Plates o' the day: Some vanity plates that made the honor roll on the http://knx1070.com Web site:
WAKEMUP, Dr. John Abraham of Santa Ana, who explained: "I am an anesthesiologist and it is more important to wake my patients up than it is to put them to sleep."
5150RED, Randy Erdman, Oxnard: "My 'red head' wife (Dorrie) is a retired police officer and '5150' is the code for an unstable person. She is my 'crazy red head.' "
STILDRI, David Burmood, West Point, Neb.: "After 30 years of hard drinking, I'm finally (dry) sober, and have been the past six years."
WEWEMD, Joseph Hart, Corona del Mar: "This plate is on a yellow VW convertible. I am a doctor of urology."
KICKMEE, Charmaine-Joan Grant, Costa Mesa: "I bought my first car 2 years ago for my 21st birthday--a brand new Kia Sportage and have had nothing but trouble ever since. I feel stupid for buying the car . . . and I could kick myself for doing it. "
Just don't go 5150 on us, Charmaine-Joan.
Now decipher these: Today's curiosities (see photos) include:
* Two bicycling signs that need recycling.
* A duck that doesn't look like a duck, walk like a duck, etc.
* And, finally, a human who doesn't seem to be humped or striped. Actually, the last sign is not in error, just foreign to us here in the Colonies. It's in London and refers to an elevated pedestrian crossing.
The perils of house calls: "A man reported a woman he had hired for a massage took about $180 from him when she left, claiming his cat scratched her," reported the Los Alamitos News-Enterprise police log. "The robbery could not be verified."
"Isn't there a law against size discrimination?" asked Richard Showstack of Newport Beach after seeing a parking lot with places marked: "Compact Patients Only."
Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LA-TIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012 and by e-mail at email@example.com.